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I have no idea how to title an entry like this. So I won’t. I have been processing this in waves for a week. I was friends with a guy in college. He went to a different college. I started dating him and it lasted for 6 months. For various reasons I began to realize he was abnormal. I broke up with him. We stayed friends (ugh). He raped me. All kinds of drama ensued. He confessed to via text. As a couple of years passed, I made the texts public, sent them to his mom, all that stuff. Short of doing anything illegal here, I would have done any amount of psychological mindfucking to him to get him away from me. Honestly nothing would have been off limits. It possibly worked or a new target emerged. (Police are 10000% useless as we all know). For years, he has been living in another state, although not because of this - it just happened on its own. I struggled for years with PTSD. The noise from this quieted down. I’ve been living my life. But I had probably at least 2 1/2 years that were punctuated by terror and hell.

I have now received word that he shot himself in the head. He didn’t blow his brains out like a normal person either. There was a very disturbing, sick, and sociopath part of his whole “grand exit strategy” that I would have NEVER thought he was capable of. His mom didn’t give him a funeral, so take from that what you will.

While my opinion of him was on the floor, it was somehow still too high. There’s just so much to process about this. I feel relieved, sick, horrified, disgusted, and so much other things. I’m glad I know, it was important to know, but this turn of events is a new thing I have to work through now.

I think I will somehow end up stronger from this. I can’t figure out how yet.

Stay tuned. I don’t even think I can write more about this for a very long time. I’ll take it day by day. Everything is day by day right now.