The only male physical therapist I’d let touch me (musings of an ordinary neurotic day?)

I needed today to be ordinary. Today had a vanilla flavored sort of neurotic tone. That’s what I mean by ordinary for this… indefinite timeframe?

Unless something berserk happens in the next 4 hours (it’s currently about 8pm), I am happy to report that it was. Today was just a day of Physical Therapy (I have a week and a half left - have been going since late July after my shoulder injury) followed by a very unremarkable workday. Tomorrow there is backlogged stuff I really need to touch - but, you know. Its nothing extraordinary.

I fucked up my LinkedIn somehow. Not exactly sure. Now I’m locked out. Oh my/oh well? (Yeah… oh well). Yes, this is all extraordinarily interesting stuff. Feel free to bypass this entire entry, darlings.

I took all my medicine early which means I will be very tired soon. Perhaps too soon. My shoulder is sore from either PT or…. Ugh, hopefully just that. I don’t think I officially mentioned this here but on July 12(th?) (that sounds right?) I slipped on water getting out of the shower and fell onto my left arm, completely outstretched. Very yikes. I’ve had like 5 weeks of PT at Medical City Plano. I’ve been very impressed by their PT department and my amazing therapist, in all seriousness. A woman therapist! Thank god. Man touching me? Forever pass. (A gay physical therapist would be the exception, though. I’m not alone in this opinion either. The world needs more gay male physical therapists!!)

The weekend was such a messy existential blur and I hated it. I went nowhere and saw no one. I definitely could have and should have. I was caught in a freeze, amidst a reckoning of my own reckless unnecessary behavior. HELLO Caitlin, would you like a movie reel of everything cringey you have ever done and all of the time you have wasted visualing impossible scenarios for no fucking reason? Would you like it 376 times in a row including in your DREAMS? (Gross. Gross!)

The highlight of my day today was petting my needier kitty girl and telling her how much I love her. It was so relaxing. I was genuinely thinking last night: “What is my real obligation to stay on the planet?” (Not that I intend to jump off a parking garage) and Mallory and Maisey are the clear answers! (Sorry, family and friends).

Two years ago I was hospitalized for 8 days. I can’t believe it’s been two years. I can’t even believe that happened. How the fuck did it? Laying on a stretcher. Watching Seinfeld in the ER on a TV with no sound. Counting Jerry’s VHS tapes on his mantle! A hospital gown. A fall risk bracelet. All of the people and noises. And then the actual stay. A medical student wrote a PAPER on me. Hah! I can’t make sense of a damn thing sometimes. In the world. Or even myself. At least I have a good heart. Right?