Elementary school secret

“Dad, if you can hear this in heaven, please talk to God and tell him to reconsider whatever the hell plan he has for this world/the US. Feel free to enlist Grandma and Grandpap or any other person who may be able to assist you with this. LOVE, CAITLIN.”

I actually said this sentence out loud today. Did I mean it? YES.

(One time I prayed and asked for a sign from my dad, “God, tell Dad I said hi” and I ABSOLUTELY got a cosmic nudge, heaven is real.)

Not sure what will happen this time but I did try 🫠😬

Non-existential moan: I cleaned and organized my house today. Immediately after work. I am deeply excited that I did this. Sometimes I start cleaning and I’m just like “oh God, I didn’t do this sooner, ugh, why don’t I stick to a cleaning schedule.” And it turns into some kind of dreadful thing. I went through the motions though and didn’t overthink any part of it. It was extraordinary. I’m shocked I was capable of doing this somehow.

I don’t know why I write about all of this totally mundane stuff as if anyone would read it and find it intriguing. A girl cleaning a house and pouting into the void - a void which includes herself. Yet in mind that I respect my family and friends (the alive ones) and don’t want to disclose much there.

Dolly Parton died. I hate that we no longer have her to bless us, but if anyone deserved heaven, it was her. Top tier human. The only word you can use to describe Dolly Parton is literally “Dolly Parton” because she’s a whole other level.

I felt the urge to watch Titanic. I had it on in the background. This was definitely exciting when I was 7. In my elementary school there were magazines in the library. I tore out a photo of Leonardo DiCaprio’s face. Such a bold move for me back then, defacing a library item. I hid it in my room, I hoped he could maybe be interested in me when I was 18 (wow, I hit the age on the head there). I have never told anyone until today!

Watching this at 35… I cannot get past the fact that these people knew each other for 2 days. This is the entire story to me. A man and a woman knew each other for two days on a ship. It sank. Then they meet in heaven. I have never had a two day connection like this. I had a relationship that lasted almost 6 years.

Have I been cheated that I never had a deep 2 day connection with a man? Or am I just not insane?

Which is it?