Random list of unrefined thoughts on Christmas (“Consider me a dream”)

1. I am waiting for answers that only time and life can give me with varying degrees of patience.

2. Need more book time and less instant gratification, as usual. I have many selves, doubts, and hearts.

 3. Currently trying to be more beautiful but not overly so. I don’t want to catch the eyes of nefarious men. So be the small thing. Be dainty but strong.

4. I tell myself I’m resourceful and have perseverance. I tell myself to look wide eyed into the future but am largely ashamed of my past indiscretions.

5. Some of the past doesn’t feel real. I know I was there. I can’t think about what I lost or what papers say.

6. I wonder if I have been pushed away, blocked, or forgotten by my (former) colleagues.

Final thought:

“Consider me a dream.”

What’s the difference between a dream and memory, eh? That one sounds easy…. in “memories” real events transpired, things were moved around, life was molded, other people moved around the monopoly board. And we were all changed. Yet both dreams and memories fade and are replaced. Every real second fades with a quiet tick and most are forgotten.

I’d rather be a dream than a memory. Something felt but never quite understood.

(Or something that was real only to you.)

Falling asleep now. This is all random nonsense!