On not being a special needs China doll

Here is a story about a questionable description about me from a family member. And other things. (SIDE NOTE: my inbox is always open.)

#thisisalongone #latenightwriting

People like to use words like “cracked” and “broken” when describing mental health struggles.

I have always HATED that. I’m not a coffee mug or China doll. I am not in pieces. Some years are more difficult than others, but there’s never been any piece of me to pity (although sometimes my lame ass young adult self wanted that.)

I talk about bipolar disorder frankly because I’m far from the only person on your newsfeed who struggles with some flavor of mental health nightmare.

I’m not ashamed because I was born with it. It’s classified as a genetic neurobiological disorder.

I couldn’t have prevented this, or “been more grateful, prayed more” in order to resolve the symptoms.

I have forgiven the people who think I should have been able to do this. I can’t expect them to understand what they have never lived.

(I actually had a family remember refer to me as having been a “difficult special needs child.” I told them they were lucky I wasn’t a dead child.)

Number 2:

I do not want anyone to to feel alone. It’s unacceptable and isolation KILLS PEOPLE. Let that sink in.

I once heard a coworker (not at my current job) say “God, I have never understood how anyone could kill themselves” with an obvious arrogant undertone.

I shamelessly injected myself into the conversation and was like “Uhhh consider yourself EXTREMELY lucky.”

Watch your words, you guys.

Number 3:

It can be hard looking back at the past and believing it actually happened. I’ve always been proud to say that I haven’t out-crazied my life, or even been undone by it.

I’m more of an empathetic badass because of my extreme life, but I wish there was another way to get have gotten here.

My success rate isn’t 100%, but my survival rate is.

I do not measure my life in degrees, academic or otherwise.

We’re all just gonna be remember by the love we dole out. Or don’t.