Possibly sideways

Hello Wednesday!

(waves and winks)

You’ve got the cutest little name for a day of the week. I mean… I think Wednesday Addams is perfectly adorable. I still want to be her when I grow….. up (or possibly sideways.)

Everything seems cuter when there is a tinge of rosy…. “Whatever” to your days. Yeah, let’s go with “rosy whatever.” Rosy delusion. Rosy sublimation. I wish I could combine the words “delusion” and “sublimation” into one word that everyone immediately recognized and understood. A word that crackled and sizzled through a page or a screen, made everyone tingle as soon as it was uttered aloud. But I am stuck with sentences for now. Rambling ones, at that.

I am trying so hard to bathe in my old ideals lately. I am

married to freedom - TO those old ideals. It was a closed ceremony, no invitations sent out. I am simultaneously married to writing, publishing, and my own talents - which I am beginning to suspect aren’t as limited as I thought. Yet to be literally or figuratively married to ANYTHING, even these intangible things, reduces me. Give me a purpose, oh, give me a neat little purpose. Now I have an answer, Caitlin, as complicated as it is simple:

Love.

Love your neighbor as yourself. Love the slivers of light that come in through the window in the morning. Love your family. Love lavenders. Love all things that consume oxygen. Love, kindness, respect. We are all one. The part where this all goes possibly sideways is when one tries to find a partner. I try to tell myself that it - my life - was for art. Every experience. Every fire. Every shadow. Every burn.

And that’s dangerous, coming to that dreadful conclusion that life is really all about love. Yet what else can it be for? Nothing, darlings. Nothing that’s worth the inherent risk of being here.

So now I’m supposed to go out and use my love that has started vomiting all over itself. Plant myself somewhere loving and worthy in the world. And it may start with my soul.

I have to love and respect myself now. Lest everything go sideways…. Possibly.