Weekend/scary things

If “the energy” from this past weekend could be manifested into a person, she would be: A nondescript woman with cherry brown hair, medium build, hazel eyes that often look down or away and suggest she spends too much time inside herself. There are also flickers when she darts her eyes across the room that suggest there is “more there.”

A weird and possibly pretentious way to summarize the weekend, but I hope it makes sense. What I really mean - The weekend was a slightly outside the norm, yet not very notable. A TB test. A trip to Panera. Watched my brother. Yet there was a lot simmering below it that could only be felt.

I have no active reason to “be sad.” My OWN life has settled. Yet it is very quiet. A void always has to be filled up with something… my void vacuums up morbid material for whatever reason. It doesn’t fill empty spaces with neutral or positive memories/associations. Are most people like this? Does it just depend on their season? Would getting an answer to this matter?

I spent a lot of time comfortably isolated (surprise!) and… there are things weighing on me - I don’t know what to do with America, darlings. I am afraid of the future. I fear the worst is coming. I know it is my responsibility to act with kindness where I can (and how I can.) Yet we may be constrained or suffer catastrophic consequences.

In the meantime…

Thinking = sinking. Action = satisfaction.

Note to self.