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Back to work in 10 something hours.

I just watched a YouTube clip of the Challenger Spaceshuttle disaster's "original live footage". I didn't need to do that. I've been ingesting too much negative material lately. It just sort of appeared in my feed per youtube's algorithm and like a moth to the flame... ugh. I want to cry now. Or more like again, because I have been off and on all weekend.

I haven't been outside of the house since Friday, other than to get the mail and take out the trash. Slow. Claps. I am emptied of vigor, enthusiasm, wry humor, and even theatrics. I do not see myself as talented. I do not see other people as interesting. I hate these words as I write them because they do not encompass all I want to say. I feel defective and am short circuiting, but know this is fixable. I have a therapy appointment in the morning which will not fix this. I know myself well enough to know that all of this is likely a chemical malfunction that will require medical treatment. Luckily I have another psych appointment in 3 weeks.

21 years of depression/bipolar disorder. I get that's it's supposed to be a teacher and maybe make me more compassionate towards others, but damn it's a beating.

That's all I got.