Thirty years

30 things I have learned in 30 years (in no particular order)

1. Things that “happen to other families” WILL happen to yours too.

2. Mozzarella sticks are not happiness

3. Hookup culturing life away is not happiness either, but if it comes down to those 2, pick the sticks.

4. You can never fully prepare for the worst things.

5. Being extremely thin once upon a time did not make me feel beautiful or powerful.

6. Own a cat or dog whenever possible

7. Anticipate that most people won’t understand, or even try to.

8. No feeling is permanent

9. Being mentally ill doesn’t ipso facto make you more interesting, alluring, or mysterious. I used to pretend like it did. Part of me has always want to be secret, strange, baffling, and unreachable. Yet I’m a compulsively open book. Weird.

10. Everyone is interesting. Don’t think you’re more interesting than anyone else.

11. It’s okay to lie to get what you want, but only do it when it is absolutely necessary.

12. I am still occasionally shocked by my own behavior in good and bad ways. But I have learned to expect the unexpected from myself and obviously others.

13. Stay away from alcohol and benzodiazepines. I’ve never abused either, they just aren’t good to be used regularly in ANY capacity. That’s just me, but it might be you too.

14. Wear glasses if you feel like there’s even a 1% chance you’ll cry. Contact lenses don’t like crying.

15. “How you lose yourself matters.” - Anne Sexton

16. “To love another can’t be planned, you just fall into it’s arms because your belief.” - Anne Sexton

17. Find empowering music. The album “Live Through This” by Hole (Courtney Love’s 90s band) has life rafted me through every pivotal life event, ever cry, and every paralyzing moment where I CAN’T cry - can only hold up one arm to check for my alive-ness and watch my arm shake. It brings me back to me. It’s an everything. I don’t claim Courtney as a person but making that was (the?) one good thing she did in her life.

18. Accept that strength might matter more than happiness. At least, life has been acting like that is the case.

19. Love still matters more than either of the above.

20. Choose yourself or lose yourself

21. Listen to other people as much as you can - but don’t believe it all.

22. Happy people aren’t a thing, because no one is one thing. HOPEFUL people are definitely a thing. It’s as close as it gets.

23. People don’t fix people. It is literally impossible. Life chisels away at the worst in people and sometimes they get better - sometimes they don’t - it has nothing to do with you.

This is long enough. I lied. Didn’t make it to 30. Too lazy to edit the title.

May or may not add more later?